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Day 105 – Predator

 

 

So my Alien marathon is over. Didn’t actually realise that it was, but I was well informed before we watched this film that it is not a part of the Alien franchise. I got all sad, but got over that quite quickly. But nonetheless, let’s get going with Day 105.

Predator. After being lured into the heart of a jungle, a team are left facing one of the most deadly creatures ever to exist on the planet.

Not going to lie. I didn’t really want to watch this film. As you may have noticed in the previous post, I’ve never been a big Arnie fan. Mostly after his horrific performances in Batman and Robin and The Expendables. So when I found out that it was he that would hog the limelight in this film, I won’t lie that I was less than amused.

Oh how wrong I was.

There is only one word for this film. Kickass. I cannot explain to you how much I love this film. It is hardcore awesomeness. It actually is. There are so many reasons for this…so many reasons…

We’ll get Arnie out of the way, shall we? I think my main problem with him is when he opens his mouth. It’s just not good. Okay, the occasional line he delivered was convincing. I think it’s mostly when he’s trying to be funny or do anything more than shout out orders. But when his mouth is closed, he magically transforms! There were moments of absolute, undeniable talent from this man when he kept his mouth closed. For example, he does the ‘what-the-fuck?’ look extremely well. He also does the ‘holy shit’ look very well. And…well it kills me to say this…but when he didn’t open his mouth, I found him rather easy on the eyes. Stupidly easy on the eyes. It annoyed me beyond belief. But yeah. Okay. So this film was a good moment for Arnie. Still don’t forgive you for Mr Freeze…but you have gained slight respect for this film.

The other actors were…well they were just there really. That’s kind of saying something when even Arnie outshines you. But, to be honest, with lines like ‘If it bleeds, we can kill it’ and the oh so famous ‘GET TO THE CHOPPER!’, how does anyone else stand a chance? I’m also not going to pretend that I knew this film had that line in it. I honestly had no clue that the famous ‘chopper’ line was from this film. So imagine my excitement when I heard it. Yep. It was quite good. I will now be a quoting that line every day of my life. It will be good times.

But I think the best part about this film is the Predator itself…

So, I had no previous knowledge to this film. I just kind of thought it was another branch of the alien movies. So you know, cannibalistic beasts with no intelligence running around killing people because it can. Oh no. No no no no no. These things are so much more. They are beyond anything I could have even imagined. They are so much smarter, so much more advanced, so much more badass than anything in the Alien films. Don’t get me wrong; the aliens from Alien 1 and 3 are freaking awesome. But this is something else. They have technology. Technology! How scary is that? Heat-sensers, voice manipulator, lasers…What the actual hell? I don’t actually think my brain can adapt to it’s epicness. I’ll tell you one thing. Hearing that thing copy the cast member’s voices is one of the scariest things I have ever seen.

This film is a whole lot more gruesome than the other films too. I actually felt a little sick during the whole thing. Skinning alive…urgh. My stomach is churning at the thought. But it was kind of okay to see that. It wasn’t bugs, so I didn’t have my skin crawling like I have done in films. It also didn’t freak me out to the point where I needed to huddle up to anyone. I was much more interested in how the predator hunted rather than ‘Oh my God it’s gross, hide hide hide!’. And that’s saying something for me!

Yeah. So I’m surprised to find myself saying that I enjoyed this film very very much. I honestly feel like I’m becoming increasingly nerdy by the second. But that’s okay. Nerdz rulez.

No more films for today! I’ve kind of destroyed my brain with it all. I will be updating it more frequently from now on. I promise! So, until next time!

The marathon continues. The fourth film of the Alien marathon. What will it be like?

Alien Resurrection. They find Ripley, clone her, and shit happens.

THIS FILM SHOULDN’T EXIST THIS FILM SHOULDN’T EXIST THIS FILM SHOULDN’T EXIST THIS FILM SHOULDN’T EXIST THIS FILM SHOULDN’T EXIST THIS FILM SHOULDN’T EXIST THIS FILM SHOULDN’T EXIST THIS FILM SHOULDN’T EXIST THIS FILM SHOULDN’T EXIST THIS FILM SHOULDN’T EXIST THIS FILM SHOULDN’T EXIST THIS FILM SHOULDN’T EXIST THIS FILM SHOULDN’T EXIST THIS FILM SHOULDN’T EXIST THIS FILM SHOULDN’T EXIST!

I mean come on! Really? What the hell were you thinking? The last film had such an incredible ending! It was perfect! Why shit on something so amazing? Why did you do this?

God. I don’t even want to acknowledge this as a film. It shouldn’t be on this earth. But it is. So…I guess I’ll have to say something.

The story is stupid. It is. They resurrection Ripley because, you know, we need another Alien film in our life. They get the alien out of her. They breed them. And it all goes to shit. What did you think would happen? And then the queen alien gives birth the human way, so essentially we see an alien vagina. And then that thing is just stupid. And then it dies. God! Did this really need to exist?

The acting is shocking too. At this point, I’m sick of seeing Sigourney Weaver. I can’t comprehend what she thought she was doing in this film. And the other good actor in this film has been in Lord of the Rings, and playing Grima Wormtounge. Well. He certainly lives up to that name. Tries to tongue a freaking alien. Fuck me….

Oh, and the humour. You know. It was funny. This film was funny. It was so fucking funny. It was so crap. I hate it. Burn this film with fire!

Oh. And about seven or eight times, the same thing was repeated  over and over again. What’s inside me? What’s inside me? What’s inside me? What’s inside me? What’s inside me? No fighting. No fighting. No fighting. No fighting. She’s a robot. She’s a robot. She’s a robot. She’s a robot. She’s a robot. YES FILM! WE KNOW THIS INFORMATION! SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Oh, and you want to know the best part? Rotten Tomatoes rated this better than the last film…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO THAT? THIS FILM SHOULD NOT EXIST SO HOW CAN IT BE BETTER THAN ONE THAT NEEDED TO EXIST? GAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWD!

That’s it. I’m done. This film should be exiled. Never come back into play. No counter spells, no flashbacks, no anything like that. Just leave.

So, I’m now going to start on the Predator films. I’m such a fan of Arnie…*cough*…wish me luck!

Day 103 – Alien 3

One film enjoyed. One film hated. I wonder what the next installation of the Aliens marathon will be?

Aliens 3. We again follow Ripley, the only survivor from both films, as she crash lands on a planet converted to a prison where yet another alien is waiting to cause destruction.

You may remember how I said that the previous Alien movie was considered the best of the lot. Well, this one is supposedly considered the worst.

What do I think? I prefer this one.

Before you get all ‘Kill the bitch’ on me, just hear me out.

The first thing you need to consider is the amount of aliens in this film compared to the previous one. There were swarms and swarms of the bastards in the last one. Plus their queen. It was very difficult for one to sneak up on you when it’s being followed by about a cazillion more. In this one, the director went back to the original and only had one alien. And I was on edge so much more. It wasn’t quite as tense as the first one, because you could kind of guess when the alien was going to pop up. We just know these things now. But I don’t care. There were still moments that caught me off guard and shocked me. And that is what I think this whole franchise should be about. The fear of the unknown. Not knowing when the bugger will pop up and nom on your face. Not shooting and big ass guns. That’s just stupid.

The next thing I think is better is the situation that Ripley is put in. In Aliens, she is conveniently around army people that know how to fight and have all the awesome equipment to kill the aliens ( that seemed to be indestructible and were actually called ‘the perfect life form’ by Ash after asking how it could be killed in the first movie). In this film, she is surrounded by murderers, rapists, arsonist…pretty messed up people that had probably started to go insane (or in Golic’s case had most definitely gone insane) that were imprisoned in a high security building that are too scared to have weapons inside in case the prisoners go a little crazy. Which situation would you rather be in? Hmm? How can you say that this film doesn’t make you feel on edge, when you think that she could be raped or strangled or stabbed at any moment by these psychopaths? *sigh*

The acting is significantly better in this film too. This could be me being biased, because I noticed that pretty much all the prisoners were so British it actually hurt. And they swore so much! It must be a British thing. But it was funny at the same time as it was scary. The characters from the previous film just made me want them all to die. I didn’t want a single one to die in this film. They were interesting without being obnoxious.

And then there’s the ending. This film had the most perfect ending to a film ever made. It was incredible! It was one of those resounding moments where you think ‘Yes. This is where it all ends, and it was perfect.’ How can you trash such an amazing ending? Oh, I know. Probably because there was one alien and no guns? Really people. You astound me.

I completely and utterly disagree with Rotten Tomatoes and everyone that says that this is the worst film out of the Aliens franchise. I thoroughly enjoyed this film. It was exciting, it was funny, it was sad. All the emotions that should have been in the second movie came into this one, and I enjoyed it. I won’t go saying it’s better than the original, because it isn’t. But it’s a damn sight better than Aliens.

I await the pitchforks and torches as I move onto the fourth film.

Day 102 – Aliens

I don’t think there’s much I need to say to start this review off. Just that it is the second in the Aliens marathon I’m having. So, let’s get right to it. Day 102.

Aliens. Set 57 years after it’s predecessor, we follow Ripley, the only survivor of the original film, as she goes back to outer space to fight some more aliens.

According to Rotten Tomatoes, this film is supposed to be the superior film. Better than the original. This is something that even James Cameron thought it would be good to announce on his Director’s Cut edition of the film. So, surely I’m going to like it more than the first one? Right?

No. Just…no.

Let me tell you the first thing that made me realise that I would dislike this movie. James Cameron. His comment on his stupid DVD edition about how he made a better film than Ridley Scott is just not on. How arrogant do you have to be? I’ve seen plenty of Director’s Cuts, and none of them have been that arrogant. Sure, I will allow you to say ‘I think I made a great film.’ Not denying that at all. But to say that you made a better film than the original? Just go jump off a cliff now. Just go. I’m done with you.

I’ll breathe now.

The other thing that bothered me was that he said that the film had more suspense in it than the original. If suspense is making me shout at the screen, begging for something interesting to happen, then yes. You achieved that, mate. I was so bored throughout this whole damn film. Nothing interesting happened. It was just oversized guns and whiny little children. Why is that interesting? God!

You know another thing that bothered me? In the original film, there was only one alien. That alien seemed pretty much invincible. It was badass, and the bitch wouldn’t die. This film? Kill all the aliens! There were swarms of the damn things, and they were getting killed off so easily. Why is that intense? Why is that scary? Sure, there’s lots of them. But Scott did just fine with one alien. Did you really need to make swarms of the damn things? It just over-complicated everything and honestly I just lost interest in it. It worked so well in the last film, and this film it just ballsed up for me.

Even the acting wasn’t great. Weaver again was good, but even then I got annoyed at her. Mainly because of the moaning child that she inherited from a crash site that just did my head in the whole way through the damn film by trying to be cocky and badass and all those stupid things that a child shouldn’t be but she was because she went all tribal and stuff so it’s totally acceptable to be a bitch until you really need help and then you start screaming like an idiot *deep breath*. Can you tell the child annoyed me?

I think the only character that I liked was Bishop. The android. And the reason that I mainly liked him is because I loved the evolution aspect of it. David was the first android, who you could pretty much tell that he was an android from his calm tone of voice and stiff walking. Then there was Ash, who completely fooled everyone in the first Alien movie, so obviously the creators of the androids found a way to make it even more difficult to tell a human from a robot. And then there’s Bishop. The first of the Alien androids not to have some motive to hurt anyone. In fact, he can’t hurt a human. So, you know. Progress. I like it. I may have gone way too deep into this whole thing, but it fascinated me, and definitely was the best thing of the whole film.

I know. I know. I’ve left out the Queen. But you know what? It’s not that great. Sure, it’s a massive alien that gives birth to a whole bunch of other aliens. But it’s really not that amazing. I’ve seen bigger and scarier things in films. I just don’t know. I don’t see the big deal about it. I think by the time she turned up, I’d lost all hope in the film and was willing everyone to die. But there you go. If you thought it was a big meanie, then okay. It was. I just don’t care.

You may have gathered that I didn’t like this film. And I’m sorry if you are one of those people that think it is far superior to the previous. But no. You’re wrong. The first film is better in pretty much every way. One alien is much more scary that a million and their queen. A cat is a bigger priority than a child. And James Cameron is a dick.

Next film!

Day 101 – Alien

Ahem. So hello! Been some time…again…

I know I keep saying I will write this damn blog. And I do mean to. I was just confused as to what to watch after the epic 100th day of Prometheus. But my friend cleverly decided that it would be an amazing idea to now watch the original movies! Who would have thunk it? So, my grand, seventy millionth return to this site, I bring you Day 101.

Alien. A spaceship is redirected to an unknown planet after receiving what is thought to be a distress signal, only to find something a whole lot more sinister.

I’m not going to lie. I wasn’t overly excited about watching these films. What I didn’t mention in the Prometheus review was that the reason that I went to see that film was because of a certain actor (I don’t think I need to tell anyone who that is…you should all know by now). I have never been a fan of aliens. They kind of scare me to be honest. It was because of that that I avoided these films like the plague. Until now.

Well. Well well well. I take it all back. Everything.

This. Film. Is. Incredible.

Made in 1979, you wouldn’t really expect this film to be as good as it is. I mean, I’ve seen films from that era. None of which scared me. This film had me on the edge of my seat (well, bed really, but you know what I mean) the whole way through. At one point, I screamed so loud that my body reacted violently and I knocked a whole shelf of stuff over. Let’s just say my friend wasn’t amused…

But seriously. This movie is so tense. And there’s only one god damn alien! One! You would have thought it would be easy to get rid of the son-of-a-bitch, but hells no. This thing is nasty. And scary. And creepy. And everything that is right for an alien to be. Ooph. I love me some aliens now.

And that famous scene? You know which one I mean…the stomach? Yeah. I knew about that. Who doesn’t? But it still made me want to be sick. That is one good scene. Caught me slightly off guard with it’s grossness…*shudder*

Okay. Enough about the damn alien. Let’s move on to the actors.

I suppose the logical solution is to start with Sigourney Weaver. She is the main character after all. I like her. She’s the only one in the whole film with any logics. Really, she is. Every other character in the film is really stupid. Weaver has pretty much always been good in the films I’ve seen her in, but I think this is her stand-out performance to me. She manages to appear pretty calm whilst at the same time looking completely insane at the same time. I got a bit confused as to what it was she was feeling most of the time. Very well done, madam. Very well done.

Ian Holm. Oh this man is a genius. Ever since I saw him as Bilbo Baggins in The Lord of the Rings, he has pretty much always impressed me. Legend. And his performance as Ash is not disappointing at all. Now, there is the twist to his character that was pretty much spoiled for me. It was kind of obvious to me, seeing as I had seen Prometheus and kind of knew what was coming. But I can imagine that back when this was first released, that would have come as a pretty big shock. But I will say that he did a good job of portraying Ash and fooling everyone. He is so crazy. But so cool. I love you, Ian Holm.

The rest of the actors aren’t really that noteworthy. I mean, John Hurt is in the film, but he’s gone within the first half hour. And even then he says about 10 lines. I was a little disappointed that it was him that went first. But meh. Someone’s gotta do it! Otherwise, the rest of the characters were pretty much boring or annoying.

Oh no. That is a complete lie. There was one character that was so crucial to my experience of watching this film that it would be blasphemy not to mention them…

The ginger cat.

Oh my God. I have never gotten so wound up in a film because of an animal. Let me explain. My old cat was a ginger cat. He looked just like Jones did. I loved my cat. Rest in peace…So, when I see that there is a ginger cat in this film, the first thing I told me friend was ‘This cat had better survive’. There were points that I nearly cried, got very angry, was ecstatic…not because of the human characters. Oh no. All because of this cute, fluffy animal. I shan’t tell you the fate of this crucial cast member. But let’s just say it’s an intense ride.

Okay. I think I’ve said quite enough about this film. I still have all the other films to write about (three of which have already been watched). So I’ll end it there. Watch this film if you haven’t already. Or if you have, watch it again. It’s brilliant. Amazing. Scary. All good things. Yup.

Here it is everyone! Film 100! Thank you to everyone that has stuck with me after my complete uselessness at updating this thing! Hopefully from now on it will be a lot better. I’m sure going to try anyway. And hopefully I will continue to amuse and all that stuff. But let’s wait no longer! I’m so excited to write about this film. I could pee…

Prometheus. After discovering signs all over the world, a team goes out to space to find the origins of the human race and come across something a lot more sinister.

I have been excited for ages to see this film. I didn’t actually think that I would be going to see this in the cinema, due to my really bad geographical location to everything good in the world. But lo and behold! It showed up in the cinema whilst I was visiting friends. We jumped at the chance to see it, and then discovered it was in 3D. Despite seeing other films in 3D, I knew this one would trash all of those other ones because Ridley Scott made this film for 3D. So you know. So much potential.

Ooooooooooh you didn’t disappoint me Prometheus!

I love this film. In every single damn way it is possible to love a film. I could ramble on and on for so long on how much I love it. But I need to be as short as I can…

Let’s start with the 3D I guess. I’ve seen 3D film before. They’ve never really properly effected my watching experience. This film however, was absolutely breathtaking. I mean, Oh My Life. It’s a sexy sexy film. The 3D was damn near perfect. Naturally there were the occasional moment where it was just blurry, but you know. We’re still perfecting this 3D thing. I forgive you. But there were scenes in this that I just wanted to die to. I will say that I’m not sure how this film will project onto 2D screens, but nonetheless I’m excited to find out. And I am so very very very very glad that I watched it in 3D.

The acting is next. I’ll just get to the point. Michael Fassbender is the most beautiful man on this planet. His character of the android David was amazing. For a brief moment, I forgot he was this android and found his stiff walking very like ‘ooer’. But then I remembered and all that went out the window. It also tickled me how British he sounded. But again, that was when I forgot he was an android. But he was absolutely breathtaking. Breath. Taking. Yep. I love him. I do. I really do. Love love love love.

There were other actors in this film. There were, honestly. But to be honest, Fassbender thrashed them all. Although, the character was Shaw was pretty badass. I shudder at the memory of a certain scene that I cannot describe to you due to uber-spoilers, but it makes me not want to be a woman anymore. She is badass. And she bounced a lot off of David’s character. So you know. Yeah. I’m not biased…

I actually really liked the story too. I haven’t seen the Alien movies, so the issues a lot of fans have with this was kind of not applicable to me. My friends did say that they wished it had been a little bit more explanatory, but I don’t care. I don’t need to know why all these things happened. This film dug it’s hook into me, and I liked the mystery of everything that was going on.

Oh. I do love this film so. I really do. Did you notice?

I’m going to stop, otherwise I will totally blow this film for everyone. Please, for the love of everything good in the world, watch this film. Please? In 3D if you can. That experience is mind blowing. And if you have seen this film in 2D, let me know what it’s like. Because I’m going to get it on DVD the second it comes out. I love it. Yep.

 

So here we go. These next two films are the ones that I’ve been wanting to talk about to anyone and everyone for the past few days. And I’m happy to say that they are films 99 and 100! I’ve come so far, but would probably be even further ahead of myself if I hadn’t been finishing my university life. D’oh! Anyway…

Birdemic: Shock and Terror. A film about birds attacking.

This has been called one of the worst films out there. I found this on a Youtube video showing scenes of the worst films ever. And then I watched the trailer. And then I knew I needed to see it.

This. Film. Is. Brilliant.

Don’t get me wrong. It’s not brilliant in the same way that The Green Mile and The Lord of the Rings are brilliant. Oh no no no no no. This film is brilliant in the way that Manos: Hands of Fate was brilliant. Let me explain…

The title pretty much says the emotions we are meant to feel. Emphasis on ‘meant’. Throughout this film, I was howling with laughter. No ‘shock’. No ‘terror’. Just comedy. There is just so many things wrong with this film, I would even go to say it is worse than Manos. Yes. I said it. And this film was made in 2008! It has no excuse!

The CGI is so bad that it’s good. I mean…the birds…oh my life. I don’t really know how to explain it. These were birds…but they were kind of like those GIFs you see on the internet. They’re just stuck onto the screen and repeat their actions in their cartoon-like way. It’s so beautiful. Oh, and did I mention that they dive bomb? Yep. And they spew bird acid. Oh yes. Bird acid. I will explain no more.

Not only is the CGI bad, but the audio is horrendous. The first line of the film is literally an explosion of feedback with a high-pitched ‘Hi’ somewhere in there. That is possibly the only moment of shock I got from this film. Oh no. The other moment was the scene were a woman was killed whilst emptying her bowels. It was hilarious. But back to the audio. It was so bad. You could hear the scene cuts, you could hear the background noise, and sometimes you couldn’t even hear the very important, plot-thickening dialogues that were had. Shame.

And about the dialogue, let’s talk about the acting. Well…let’s just say it was non-existent. The leading guy in this film had the facial expressions of a rock, and the speaking skills of a plank. And I think, from the interview that I watched of the sequel (oh, I’ll get there eventually), that this guy thinks he’s…like…amazing. Come on dude. Have you watched this film? *sigh* The rest of the acting was really bad too. Sometimes it was like they were just told to make it up on the spot, or only had one take so if they fluffed up they had to continue. Oh the pain. The pain…

And the amount of scenes that were completely unnecessary? Practically all of it. For the first 45 minutes, there’s no birds. Oh, no, there’s 3 wild parrots. But they weren’t attacking anyone. So, you know, the romance and all that stuff was so important that it took up half of the film. They didn’t have the ability to, you know, merge the two things together. Oh jeez. Oh, and do you like driving? I hope you do. There’s a lot of it in this film. And singing. There’s a whole 2 minutes worth of singing and dancing in this film. ‘Good’ dancing and singing too. Yep…aren’t you jealous you didn’t see this film?

But despite every single thing that I have just said, I absolutely love this film. This is the true definition of a guilty pleasure. It is so painful to acknowledge as a film, but I love the fact that someone thought they were a cinematic god and created this beautiful thing. I am seriously considering purchasing it. Really. I am. I love it. I do.

So. Watch it. Your life will be complete when you do.

Oh yeah. The sequel! There’s a Birdemic 2: The Resurrection coming out this Summer! In 3D! YES! I KNOW! I am so excited. I could actually die with excitement. Watch this first one, and you will be too.

 

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