So. Day 2. Shall we begin?
Jonah Hex. An industrial western film based on a comic. A man who has his family killed goes out for revenge, whilst stopping America being destroyed. Sounds exciting, yes?
No.
Well. Okay. A bit. I mean, I did sit and watch it all. I suppose that counts for something. Plus, I did quite like the concept of Hex being able to bring people back from the dead by touching them. That, I admit, did shock me a little.
I’ll tell you what really bugged me. John. Freaking. Malkovich. No matter what film I see him in, I hate it. I hate him. People insist he’s a good actor, but I’ve yet to see it. Sorry Mr Malkovich. You just annoy me with your overacting.
Aside from that, the other big characters were pretty naff too. Jonah was just too miserable for me (I know he was supposed to be, but come on, there’s no need to be that miserable) and Lila (or whatever her name was) is just a waste of space if you ask me. No need for her character whatsoever.
The only good character was Burke, played by Michael Fassbender. This, however, annoyed me because he was not the main villan, yet I was a heck of a lot more scared of him than I was of Malkovich. And it seemed to me that, although Turnbull (Malkovich) was the one that Hex was out to kill, it was actually Burke that did everything. So, surely you would want to kill Burke rather than Turnbull? Oh well. I was actually disappointed when Burke snuffed it, seeing as he was the only decent thing in the film for me.
I’m sorry. I lie. The dog was also good. Without the dog, there would be no Jonah Hex. True fact.
So, despite all the things that I could potentially have loved (crows flying out of mouths and resurrecting dead friends) this film just didn’t cut it for me. I’m so disappointed. I had high hopes. But there you go. I salute you Burke and Dog, for making this disappointing film somewhat entertaining.
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