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So my Alien marathon is over. Didn’t actually realise that it was, but I was well informed before we watched this film that it is not a part of the Alien franchise. I got all sad, but got over that quite quickly. But nonetheless, let’s get going with Day 105.

Predator. After being lured into the heart of a jungle, a team are left facing one of the most deadly creatures ever to exist on the planet.

Not going to lie. I didn’t really want to watch this film. As you may have noticed in the previous post, I’ve never been a big Arnie fan. Mostly after his horrific performances in Batman and Robin and The Expendables. So when I found out that it was he that would hog the limelight in this film, I won’t lie that I was less than amused.

Oh how wrong I was.

There is only one word for this film. Kickass. I cannot explain to you how much I love this film. It is hardcore awesomeness. It actually is. There are so many reasons for this…so many reasons…

We’ll get Arnie out of the way, shall we? I think my main problem with him is when he opens his mouth. It’s just not good. Okay, the occasional line he delivered was convincing. I think it’s mostly when he’s trying to be funny or do anything more than shout out orders. But when his mouth is closed, he magically transforms! There were moments of absolute, undeniable talent from this man when he kept his mouth closed. For example, he does the ‘what-the-fuck?’ look extremely well. He also does the ‘holy shit’ look very well. And…well it kills me to say this…but when he didn’t open his mouth, I found him rather easy on the eyes. Stupidly easy on the eyes. It annoyed me beyond belief. But yeah. Okay. So this film was a good moment for Arnie. Still don’t forgive you for Mr Freeze…but you have gained slight respect for this film.

The other actors were…well they were just there really. That’s kind of saying something when even Arnie outshines you. But, to be honest, with lines like ‘If it bleeds, we can kill it’ and the oh so famous ‘GET TO THE CHOPPER!’, how does anyone else stand a chance? I’m also not going to pretend that I knew this film had that line in it. I honestly had no clue that the famous ‘chopper’ line was from this film. So imagine my excitement when I heard it. Yep. It was quite good. I will now be a quoting that line every day of my life. It will be good times.

But I think the best part about this film is the Predator itself…

So, I had no previous knowledge to this film. I just kind of thought it was another branch of the alien movies. So you know, cannibalistic beasts with no intelligence running around killing people because it can. Oh no. No no no no no. These things are so much more. They are beyond anything I could have even imagined. They are so much smarter, so much more advanced, so much more badass than anything in the Alien films. Don’t get me wrong; the aliens from Alien 1 and 3 are freaking awesome. But this is something else. They have technology. Technology! How scary is that? Heat-sensers, voice manipulator, lasers…What the actual hell? I don’t actually think my brain can adapt to it’s epicness. I’ll tell you one thing. Hearing that thing copy the cast member’s voices is one of the scariest things I have ever seen.

This film is a whole lot more gruesome than the other films too. I actually felt a little sick during the whole thing. Skinning alive…urgh. My stomach is churning at the thought. But it was kind of okay to see that. It wasn’t bugs, so I didn’t have my skin crawling like I have done in films. It also didn’t freak me out to the point where I needed to huddle up to anyone. I was much more interested in how the predator hunted rather than ‘Oh my God it’s gross, hide hide hide!’. And that’s saying something for me!

Yeah. So I’m surprised to find myself saying that I enjoyed this film very very much. I honestly feel like I’m becoming increasingly nerdy by the second. But that’s okay. Nerdz rulez.

No more films for today! I’ve kind of destroyed my brain with it all. I will be updating it more frequently from now on. I promise! So, until next time!

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I don’t think there’s much I need to say to start this review off. Just that it is the second in the Aliens marathon I’m having. So, let’s get right to it. Day 102.

Aliens. Set 57 years after it’s predecessor, we follow Ripley, the only survivor of the original film, as she goes back to outer space to fight some more aliens.

According to Rotten Tomatoes, this film is supposed to be the superior film. Better than the original. This is something that even James Cameron thought it would be good to announce on his Director’s Cut edition of the film. So, surely I’m going to like it more than the first one? Right?

No. Just…no.

Let me tell you the first thing that made me realise that I would dislike this movie. James Cameron. His comment on his stupid DVD edition about how he made a better film than Ridley Scott is just not on. How arrogant do you have to be? I’ve seen plenty of Director’s Cuts, and none of them have been that arrogant. Sure, I will allow you to say ‘I think I made a great film.’ Not denying that at all. But to say that you made a better film than the original? Just go jump off a cliff now. Just go. I’m done with you.

I’ll breathe now.

The other thing that bothered me was that he said that the film had more suspense in it than the original. If suspense is making me shout at the screen, begging for something interesting to happen, then yes. You achieved that, mate. I was so bored throughout this whole damn film. Nothing interesting happened. It was just oversized guns and whiny little children. Why is that interesting? God!

You know another thing that bothered me? In the original film, there was only one alien. That alien seemed pretty much invincible. It was badass, and the bitch wouldn’t die. This film? Kill all the aliens! There were swarms of the damn things, and they were getting killed off so easily. Why is that intense? Why is that scary? Sure, there’s lots of them. But Scott did just fine with one alien. Did you really need to make swarms of the damn things? It just over-complicated everything and honestly I just lost interest in it. It worked so well in the last film, and this film it just ballsed up for me.

Even the acting wasn’t great. Weaver again was good, but even then I got annoyed at her. Mainly because of the moaning child that she inherited from a crash site that just did my head in the whole way through the damn film by trying to be cocky and badass and all those stupid things that a child shouldn’t be but she was because she went all tribal and stuff so it’s totally acceptable to be a bitch until you really need help and then you start screaming like an idiot *deep breath*. Can you tell the child annoyed me?

I think the only character that I liked was Bishop. The android. And the reason that I mainly liked him is because I loved the evolution aspect of it. David was the first android, who you could pretty much tell that he was an android from his calm tone of voice and stiff walking. Then there was Ash, who completely fooled everyone in the first Alien movie, so obviously the creators of the androids found a way to make it even more difficult to tell a human from a robot. And then there’s Bishop. The first of the Alien androids not to have some motive to hurt anyone. In fact, he can’t hurt a human. So, you know. Progress. I like it. I may have gone way too deep into this whole thing, but it fascinated me, and definitely was the best thing of the whole film.

I know. I know. I’ve left out the Queen. But you know what? It’s not that great. Sure, it’s a massive alien that gives birth to a whole bunch of other aliens. But it’s really not that amazing. I’ve seen bigger and scarier things in films. I just don’t know. I don’t see the big deal about it. I think by the time she turned up, I’d lost all hope in the film and was willing everyone to die. But there you go. If you thought it was a big meanie, then okay. It was. I just don’t care.

You may have gathered that I didn’t like this film. And I’m sorry if you are one of those people that think it is far superior to the previous. But no. You’re wrong. The first film is better in pretty much every way. One alien is much more scary that a million and their queen. A cat is a bigger priority than a child. And James Cameron is a dick.

Next film!

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Here it is everyone! Film 100! Thank you to everyone that has stuck with me after my complete uselessness at updating this thing! Hopefully from now on it will be a lot better. I’m sure going to try anyway. And hopefully I will continue to amuse and all that stuff. But let’s wait no longer! I’m so excited to write about this film. I could pee…

Prometheus. After discovering signs all over the world, a team goes out to space to find the origins of the human race and come across something a lot more sinister.

I have been excited for ages to see this film. I didn’t actually think that I would be going to see this in the cinema, due to my really bad geographical location to everything good in the world. But lo and behold! It showed up in the cinema whilst I was visiting friends. We jumped at the chance to see it, and then discovered it was in 3D. Despite seeing other films in 3D, I knew this one would trash all of those other ones because Ridley Scott made this film for 3D. So you know. So much potential.

Ooooooooooh you didn’t disappoint me Prometheus!

I love this film. In every single damn way it is possible to love a film. I could ramble on and on for so long on how much I love it. But I need to be as short as I can…

Let’s start with the 3D I guess. I’ve seen 3D film before. They’ve never really properly effected my watching experience. This film however, was absolutely breathtaking. I mean, Oh My Life. It’s a sexy sexy film. The 3D was damn near perfect. Naturally there were the occasional moment where it was just blurry, but you know. We’re still perfecting this 3D thing. I forgive you. But there were scenes in this that I just wanted to die to. I will say that I’m not sure how this film will project onto 2D screens, but nonetheless I’m excited to find out. And I am so very very very very glad that I watched it in 3D.

The acting is next. I’ll just get to the point. Michael Fassbender is the most beautiful man on this planet. His character of the android David was amazing. For a brief moment, I forgot he was this android and found his stiff walking very like ‘ooer’. But then I remembered and all that went out the window. It also tickled me how British he sounded. But again, that was when I forgot he was an android. But he was absolutely breathtaking. Breath. Taking. Yep. I love him. I do. I really do. Love love love love.

There were other actors in this film. There were, honestly. But to be honest, Fassbender thrashed them all. Although, the character was Shaw was pretty badass. I shudder at the memory of a certain scene that I cannot describe to you due to uber-spoilers, but it makes me not want to be a woman anymore. She is badass. And she bounced a lot off of David’s character. So you know. Yeah. I’m not biased…

I actually really liked the story too. I haven’t seen the Alien movies, so the issues a lot of fans have with this was kind of not applicable to me. My friends did say that they wished it had been a little bit more explanatory, but I don’t care. I don’t need to know why all these things happened. This film dug it’s hook into me, and I liked the mystery of everything that was going on.

Oh. I do love this film so. I really do. Did you notice?

I’m going to stop, otherwise I will totally blow this film for everyone. Please, for the love of everything good in the world, watch this film. Please? In 3D if you can. That experience is mind blowing. And if you have seen this film in 2D, let me know what it’s like. Because I’m going to get it on DVD the second it comes out. I love it. Yep.

 

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So, I’ve moved home for the Easter holidays. I was supposed to be going to the dentist, but like the plank I am, I mixed up the days. So instead I’ve done nothing all day. I have, however, managed to watch a film. And this is it! Day 57. Brace yourselves.

Super 8. A group of kids witness a horrific train wreck that ultimately leads to something a lot more sinister.

I’m going to warn you. If you haven’t watched this film and don’t want it ruined, I wouldn’t read any further. I will more than likely spoil it for you.

I had quite a lot of expectations for this film. Many a people, including my housemate, have told me that I need to watch it. So, surely this film is amazing?

Wrong.

Don’t get me wrong. The visuals are amazing. The train wreck, although perhaps a little over the top for my liking, was pretty amazing. And the ‘thing’ itself (I will get to this later) was very pretty. They got all of those things right.

It’s just the story itself. It wasn’t that great. Sorry guys.

I was so excited to know what it was that was caged up in that train. My mind boggled, it really did. And then I saw numerous legs. And I read the title. It’s a freaking spider. Or close enough to one. It’s a bit more sophisticated that your bog standard eight legged freak. But when it comes down to it, it’s a damn spider. I hate spiders. I don’t enjoy films about spiders (Eight-Legged Freaks for example), so that brought my mood down significantly. I really should have twigged with the name of the damn film really. But no. I didn’t. And now I’m bummed out.

Then there were the people themselves. They were all just annoying. Seriously, not one of them managed to make me like them throughout the whole damn thing. This film pretty much clarifies to me why it was that I dislike kids in films. Every one of them were either trying to be funny, smart, or emotional. Result? Annoyance, bad acting, and quite a lot of vomit. Yep, one of the kids vomited several times throughout this film. Each time pretty random and not necessary. And the adults didn’t really do a much better job. So, yeah, acting fail.

And then there’s the ending. I am pretty much livid at the ending. It was one of those typical ‘and they all lived happily ever after’ moments. BLARGH! No! This should not have happened! This is possibly one of the most disappointing movie endings I’ve watched as of yet. Just because it has kids in doesn’t mean that it has the right to have a crappy ending. Especially when the story is lacking anything anyway! Argh, the rage running through my veins right now…

So, if you’re interested in explosions, trains and weird spider things, this is the film for you. If like me, you enjoy a decent plot line and a satisfying ending, you may end up feeling a little deprived after this. I sure as hell did.

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Very nearly caught up on myself with this film thing now. Only a few more days to go. So let’s start moving!

K-PAX. A psychiatrist is handed a new patient, that believes he is an alien from the planet K-PAX. As he tries to convince the patient of his humanity, numerous contradictions crop up to disprove his own beliefs.

I knew this film was going to be good. I have such faith in Kevin Spacey now, it’s a little bit insane. Plus, it’s one of those weird ones, and any film with psychiatry involved tends to go down well with me.

This one failed me not.

Kevin Spacey yet again proved to me that he is pretty damn amazing. Although it did occur to me that he is only good when it comes to the slightly psychotic characters. His attempt at crying kind of disappointed me, but apart from that he pretty much sold the ‘weirdo’ to me. Any film with this man in it as a creepy, psychotic man, I will watch. So please, let me know what films he’s been in that are simply amazing. For I need them in my life.

Jeff Bridges was pretty good too. Not sure if I’ve seen anything he’s been in before, but he made a pretty convincing psychiatrist. Not the star of the show though. Sorry dude, but you can’t beat Spacey. But you tried, and you tried hard. It’s alright, don’t cry.

The story was pretty damn clever too. I loved how everything came together at the end. But, the thing I still don’t get it…was he really from K-PAX? I genuinely don’t know. A part of me, the part that wants to believe in that stuff, think that yes he was. But I would have loved it if he really wasn’t an alien. If he genuinely had just repressed so far into his mind. I’m just so fascinated my mental illness. Sounds strange, yes, but I find it really fascinating. So I suppose either ending would have worked for me…I’m just not sure which one it was.

So yeah. I liked this film. Not the best film in the world, but it was pretty damn good. A damn good watch. I do recommend this film. Go out and watch it. Yes. I like it. Yes.

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Day 19. Not sure I can put this into words…It’s just…wow…um…I’ll try. For you.

The Fifth Element. A story about…um…well…a taxi driver who gets caught in some sort of futuristic battle of good and bad where the ultimate weapon is some woman. I think.

I’m finding this so very difficult to explain. There are just no words. But I must. I must. I don’t even know where to start.

Let’s start with Bruce Willis. I thought, okay, it’s Bruce Willis. He’ll be okay. He’ll keep me hooked. Oh dear. I mean, he was acceptable. But the lines he was given…I just don’t know. Kissing random women? Yep. Acceptable. Totally. Just…I can’t. I’m sorry.

Milla Jovovich. What a…stunning performance. A woman who speaks complete gobbledegook for half of the film, and suddenly speaks perfect English. A woman who’s hair is so badly dyed it’s not even funny. A woman who makes everything she falls or jumps through turn into paper. A woman who, after being recreated using licorice and other fantastical stuff, had some form of violent orgasm upon awakening. Yes. She is epic.

Ian Holm. I had such respect for you. You couldn’t even string two sentences together. You couldn’t even remember what a phone was, so made a massive over-the-top action for it. There’s not much I have to say for you.

Gary Oldman. I’m so sorry all Oldman fans, but cover your ears. This could be painful…That was easily the most disturbing, the most painful, the WORST bad-guy I have ever scene. The accent? Why? Just why? The hair? Seriously? The choking scene? What was the point of it? There’s just so much…so much…it hurts.

The character Ruby. I have never wanted to kill a man so much as this man. Or woman. I have yet to determine which sex he decided to be. How do you expect Bruce Willis to work things out with you screeching questions down his ear in the most irritating high pitch voice the world has ever heard? Seriously, dude (or dudette) shut the hell up. The best thing you did was leave. But even then you messed it up with that stupid BZZZZZZZZZ crap you do. GET OUT OF MY LIFE! 

That’s the actors done. Now for the rest of the film.

The aliens. I mean…there’s just no words. They are seriously the lamest excuse for aliens I have ever seen. I don’t even know how to describe them. I am so appalled. There is no excuse. I don’t care if it was made in 1997. There is no excuse for those big metallic blobs with weird head that just were not meant for that body.

The planet. It talked. Okay? The planet freaking talked. In what way is that acceptable to us as humans? Who’s bright idea was it for Gary Oldman to have a telephone conversation with a planet? I thought, no, surely not. It can’t be the planet. No one can be that insane. Oh how wrong I was.

The opera singer. Now, apparently this is the part of the film that everybody loves. The only reason to watch the film apparently. And for a while, I agreed. Until the weird autotune crap kicked in. And the stupid fight scene. I’m sorry people. If that is the best part of the film, then you are basically saying that the rest of the film is a load of balls, because this scene was equally as bad. Admit it.

I don’t think I can cope with anymore bad things. I’m gonna briefly mention the only decent thing in the film: Lee Evans. This man is a genius. He saved the film for me. Well. I say saved. I cheered up. He was by far the best actor in the whole thing. He beat Bruce Willis! That’s not an easy thing to do. But in this film, it was so easy. And then they killed him. Why? Why? Please tell me why you destroyed any hope of me liking this film?

There’s so much I could say. The costume, the special effects, the plot in general. But my brain needs to repress this memory. I need to stop thinking about it. It actually hurts me. I can’t take anymore. I hope you get my general opinion of this film, because I don’t even have the energy to sum it up. Signing out now, before I cry.

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