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Posts Tagged ‘Arnold Schwarzenegger’

 

 

So my Alien marathon is over. Didn’t actually realise that it was, but I was well informed before we watched this film that it is not a part of the Alien franchise. I got all sad, but got over that quite quickly. But nonetheless, let’s get going with Day 105.

Predator. After being lured into the heart of a jungle, a team are left facing one of the most deadly creatures ever to exist on the planet.

Not going to lie. I didn’t really want to watch this film. As you may have noticed in the previous post, I’ve never been a big Arnie fan. Mostly after his horrific performances in Batman and Robin and The Expendables. So when I found out that it was he that would hog the limelight in this film, I won’t lie that I was less than amused.

Oh how wrong I was.

There is only one word for this film. Kickass. I cannot explain to you how much I love this film. It is hardcore awesomeness. It actually is. There are so many reasons for this…so many reasons…

We’ll get Arnie out of the way, shall we? I think my main problem with him is when he opens his mouth. It’s just not good. Okay, the occasional line he delivered was convincing. I think it’s mostly when he’s trying to be funny or do anything more than shout out orders. But when his mouth is closed, he magically transforms! There were moments of absolute, undeniable talent from this man when he kept his mouth closed. For example, he does the ‘what-the-fuck?’ look extremely well. He also does the ‘holy shit’ look very well. And…well it kills me to say this…but when he didn’t open his mouth, I found him rather easy on the eyes. Stupidly easy on the eyes. It annoyed me beyond belief. But yeah. Okay. So this film was a good moment for Arnie. Still don’t forgive you for Mr Freeze…but you have gained slight respect for this film.

The other actors were…well they were just there really. That’s kind of saying something when even Arnie outshines you. But, to be honest, with lines like ‘If it bleeds, we can kill it’ and the oh so famous ‘GET TO THE CHOPPER!’, how does anyone else stand a chance? I’m also not going to pretend that I knew this film had that line in it. I honestly had no clue that the famous ‘chopper’ line was from this film. So imagine my excitement when I heard it. Yep. It was quite good. I will now be a quoting that line every day of my life. It will be good times.

But I think the best part about this film is the Predator itself…

So, I had no previous knowledge to this film. I just kind of thought it was another branch of the alien movies. So you know, cannibalistic beasts with no intelligence running around killing people because it can. Oh no. No no no no no. These things are so much more. They are beyond anything I could have even imagined. They are so much smarter, so much more advanced, so much more badass than anything in the Alien films. Don’t get me wrong; the aliens from Alien 1 and 3 are freaking awesome. But this is something else. They have technology. Technology! How scary is that? Heat-sensers, voice manipulator, lasers…What the actual hell? I don’t actually think my brain can adapt to it’s epicness. I’ll tell you one thing. Hearing that thing copy the cast member’s voices is one of the scariest things I have ever seen.

This film is a whole lot more gruesome than the other films too. I actually felt a little sick during the whole thing. Skinning alive…urgh. My stomach is churning at the thought. But it was kind of okay to see that. It wasn’t bugs, so I didn’t have my skin crawling like I have done in films. It also didn’t freak me out to the point where I needed to huddle up to anyone. I was much more interested in how the predator hunted rather than ‘Oh my God it’s gross, hide hide hide!’. And that’s saying something for me!

Yeah. So I’m surprised to find myself saying that I enjoyed this film very very much. I honestly feel like I’m becoming increasingly nerdy by the second. But that’s okay. Nerdz rulez.

No more films for today! I’ve kind of destroyed my brain with it all. I will be updating it more frequently from now on. I promise! So, until next time!

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And here it is. The film you’ve all been waiting for. The best of the best. The most wonderful Batman movie that has been created and will ever be created ever. Are you ready? Are you? Huh? Huh? Huh?

File:Batman & robin poster.jpgBatman & Robin. More Batman, more Robin, some Batgirl, some cold jokes and sex.

This film…this film is baaaaaaaaaaad.

I am quite happy to report though that despite it being me that is doing the reviewing of the film, it has not murdered my soul quite as much as it has my friend. He took the DVD out of the box and damn near snapped it in two. Wouldn’t be surprised if the next time I saw him he had obliterated the thing. So, that is the plus side of this film. It hurt to watch, but I am the more sane of the two of us. Yeah. Achievement unlocked. Boom.

So, the film. Was there anything good about it?

No. Just no.

I thought that maybe, maybe, George Clooney would make a good Batman. He’s kind of good looking. He’s a good actor. So you know. It’s a valid thought. But nahhhhh. He’s not good. He’s a cocky son-of-a-bitch that has so many bad jokes its just stupid. His best bad joke? The Bat Credit Card. Doesn’t leave the cave without it! ………………..moving on.

Robin. Again, Chris O’Donnell manages to play an annoying dick (get it? Dick…dick? Ahem) that is completely incompetent. And I thought he whinged in the last film. Dear me. This film took it to a whole other level. I swear he and Batman had the same bitching session about four times in this film. Four times! Deja vu much? Completely unnecessary scenes! Rage!

Ooooh and shall we introduce Batgirl? A woman with the most annoying face in the history of ever! I don’t even know why she was involved. She wasn’t needed! No words for you love.

Villains! Let’s move to the villains! I love Batman villains! Surely this will save me!

………………………………………………………………………………………………………Mr. Freeze.

What the hell are you thinking? Arnold Schwarzenegger as Batman villain? Kill me now. I saw him, and thought okay. He looks cool. And then he spoke. My soul died. He is possibly one of the worst actors out there, and they thought he would make a bad ass villain for Batman? My faith in the world has dropped dramatically. He can’t speak properly! There’s the first sign that maybe he shouldn’t be acting. And why in the name of all things good in the world did you try and make him funny? I never want to hear an ice joke ever again. Stupid stupid stupid film.

What about Poison Ivy? Did she make up for the pathetic attempt of villains? No. No she did not. She was just crap. More bad jokes that failed miserably, really weird sexual stuff that was just wrong rather than sexy. Oh Uma Thurman. Stick to Kill Bill love. Funny isn’t your thing.

I think the thing that completely destroyed my friend was Bane. He is currently making strange noises as he reminds me to mention this guy. He was bad. Not just bad. Ruined. From what I’ve been told of him, he’s a genius. This guy? Not that…

Not even the visuals were good. It wasn’t a Burton film this time though, so that would explain it. Bring him back! Please? Erase this lump of poo and create a better one with better story and better people and better everything!

Okay. I’m done with Batman now. It’s over. I don’t think I need to tell you that this film was the worst of the bunch. Everything was a failure. The best of the four? Possibly the first one, or maybe the third. Only because of the villains.

And now, because I didn’t suffer as much as he did, I’m now being subjected to a film so horrific, I don’t know how I’ll cope. Wish me luck…

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